Is our EGO good or bad!?

By Oana Lis, Psychologist

Is ego our friend or enemy!?

First. The ego simply IS!

It refers psychologically to a mental construct that arises through the individuation of a person. It includes all beliefs about oneself, others, and the whole world in relation to oneself.

*No matter what we talk about, we talk about ourselves.* (Hugh Prather)

The ego is built since we are children, by taking over beliefs and ideas, concepts from the outside, taken over according to our own affinities and personal gifts.

*A man’s spirit is his self. That entity which is his consciousness. Thinking, feeling, judging, acting are functions of the Ego.* (Ayn Rand)

The ego is based on the idea of identity, of Me, different from others. But are we so different from each other? When in fact we take a lot from the environment in which we were raised, from our parents, from our brothers, from our grandparents, from our teachers, etc. I think the right answer lies in balance.

Because although we can sometimes identify with the Ego. It does not represent us in its entirety and an Ego can hide a person’s true personality.

*The ego is based on the familiar. He is reluctant to experience the unknown, which is the very essence of life.* (Deepak Chopra)

It is very interesting to observe the encounter between Ego and love. How a person when he falls in love, or through the love of his own child, can become altruistic, can give up himself, to give to the other.

A strong Ego when it meets its idealistic love can undergo a transformation.

*Marriage is the union of two I.* (A. Kallarakkal)

Sometimes even the Ego can intervene in a relationship, especially at a certain age, when all the beliefs, mental programs, habits, defense mechanisms of each one are formed, met with those of the partner, can lead to a dispute, if not a compromise is reached.

*Judging others makes your Ego grow. That’s why people like to talk about other people’s mistakes – it makes them feel like they’re right.* (Osho)

So, it is easier to see in the other than in ourselves…

*The ego is an iceberg. Melt it. Melt it with your deep love so that it disappears and you become an integral part of the great ocean.* (Osho)

The ego will interpret the actions and language of the partner according to its own beliefs and the environment in which it was born and lived and through everything it took from past relationships, living them. So does the other partner. It can appear, for example, when falling in love happens, it can appear in some people with a past in this area, where they have experienced something like this before, maybe in childhood, fear of abandonment, of suffering, of involvement can appear. And then the Ego can be our enemy, not our ally.

*You do not have a choice. You must leave your Ego at the threshold before entering into love.* (Kamad Kojouri)

Thoughts like: my body, my mind, my wealth, my wife, my children, my employees, these are all mine and I must be happy come from the Ego and sometimes we find that all these do not really fulfill us. Sometimes it is detachment from the Ego that can bring us peace of mind.

So, the Ego also has aspects that are absolutely necessary for our development as humans, as a species and positive, but also with a negative effect, through exaggerations.

The problem is not the Ego itself, but the identification with it all the time.

*Living only for oneself is a disease. Selfishness is the rust of the Ego.* (Opere complete, ed.1970.)

Because we are to the same extent unique and unrepeatable, through everything we are and have become, but to the same extent, pointwise, we are all, as they say, one water and one earth.

So, how do we lead beautiful lives, bring new value to us, but at the same time bring more value to those around us, impacting their lives for the better?

*Love? The universe reduced to two stars…copulative.* (Costel Zagan)

Let’s focus on the beautiful things, on what is good for us, because when we are good, we can also give others from our overflow…

*I have given up the bounded Me, not bounding myself.* (Ionuț Caragea)

To be able to integrate and accept both ourselves and others… and the good and less good parts… To keep our Ego in balance, really knowing ourselves, with everything that makes us strong, but also vulnerable.

*Love is total dedication.* (Fănuș Neagu)

The ego is like a shadow, which follows us all our lives and appears from time to time, it is important to accept it as it is and strive for the best, this is human nature, to always want more, but it is nice to strive for to always become a better version of ourselves…

I wish you a pleasant Ego! With love, Psychologist Oana Lis.

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