Leliana Valentina Parvulescu

Rebecca and Calimero syndrome

Psychology Hour
Dr. Leli

In this article, I present two states that can interfere with a normal life and that can lead to major behavioral transformations in the couple’s relationship. These are Rebecca Syndrome and Calimero Syndrome.
Jealousy can be a consequence of emotional dependence and low self-esteem. It happens quite often that a strong feeling of jealousy towards the partner is related to a low self-esteem and a permanent fear of abandonment. A particular form of jealousy is the retroactive one, also called Rebecca Syndrome, which compromises the peace of the couple’s relationship. The jealous partner acts under the pressure of the greatest fear, that of abandonment, which comes from an experience of strong devaluation, most often lived in childhood. As a result, the fear that he may lose his loved one induces an intense feeling of emptiness and vulnerability, which leads to scenes of jealousy or desperate gestures. So, retroactive jealousy, also called Rebecca syndrome, is the intense experience of uncontrolled jealousy for your partner’s past love relationships. It is a very special emotional experience, in which unjustified jealousy can lead to obsessive compulsive disorder.
The name is inspired by Alfred Hitchcock’s Rebecca, taken from Daphne du Maurier’s novel. Therefore, Rebecca Syndrome is a widespread pathology that prevails in men. The root cause of retroactive jealousy is low self-esteem which gives rise to a deep sense of inadequacy and insecurity.
Jealousy is a common feeling that we all experience from time to time. It is a natural emotion and it is not negative if it is kept within certain limits. In Rebecca syndrome, the right limits are exceeded and this emotion becomes degenerate, negative, causing great suffering. As I said above, this problem is based on a lack of self-confidence. People who suffer from this pathology feel worthless and unworthy of receiving love. These emotions are accentuated more in moments of stress, and the partner’s attention is never enough to please the jealous one.

Here’s what can lead to Rebecca Syndrome:
• Fear of loss and abandonment
• Fear of loneliness
• Uncertainty
• Low self-esteem
• Low self-confidence
• Feelings of inadequacy
• Difficulty in expressing needs and emotions

If you are wondering about the possibility of the syndrome being cured, my answer is yes, it is possible, but it is not easy. The solution is to start working on mental schema that lead to jealousy, starting from gaining your self-confidence and self-esteem.
The second syndrome is a particular form of victimization, a psychic attitude according to which a person can feel the victim of others and destiny. It often happens that a person feels persecuted, fragile and defenseless against the unfortunate events of life. There is negativity, dissatisfaction and inability to understand the positive side of events and situations. However, this experience and state are temporary, we humans manage to cope with such stressful events. Our biology helps us survive and carry the species forward.
But if such a condition of discomfort is persistent and becomes an integral part of one’s personality, strongly influencing emotional relationships and lifestyle, one may suffer from Calimero Syndrome. According to recent studies, it seems to be an increasingly common disorder and affects a very large number of people.
Calimero syndrome affects people with low self-esteem, insecurity and prone to pessimistic thinking. This disorder can be recognized quite easily and the good news is that it can be solved. First of all, it’s about deep observation. If you find that you or someone around you is constantly complaining about traffic, work, the place where you live, life in general, the economic situation or partners, if you are always dissatisfied without doing anything concrete for to change things for the better, you need to start worrying about yourself or that person.

Rebecca and Calimero syndrome
Psychology Hour
Dr. Leli

Leliana Parvulescu

As the condition persists for very long periods, the danger of becoming a part of the personality is accentuated and conditioned by daily actions and life becomes a real mental disorder, transposed into Calimero syndrome, which is the set of behaviors resulting from the wrong belief to be unlucky and determine a mental mechanism that creates limits and inhibits.
At the base there is a low self-esteem, as in the case of the previous syndrome, which is manifested by feelings of inadequacy, fragility and fear in dealing with new situations.
Of course, it happens that everyone, at least once, experiences negative situations and has felt a deep sense of injustice. In Calimero syndrome, however, the victimization is continuous, produces exasperation and negatively affects the personality that leads to frustration and dissatisfaction. The attitude of the victim becomes a constant mechanism of thinking and continuous failure, the person is stuck in changing something. Pessimism is a very negative pattern of thinking in these people, which maintains the belief that there will usually be obstacles and they will not be able to achieve anything in life. Motivation is lost and depression can occur. Negativity also affects relationships that continue to fail, which is why these people complain about their misfortunes, their partners, their colleagues and how unhappy they are. This mechanism is often used to draw attention to oneself and to have the goodwill of others.

What are the causes?
• These can be ways that the person has copied from important figures in his life.
• It can be the result of trauma or physical and psychological violence suffered in childhood.
• It can be the cause of the abandonment or forms of neglect he has faced in the past or present.

What is the intervention?
• It is necessary to know the situation and also become aware of the damage it causes.
• Eliminate insecurity and boost your self-esteem. The first important step is to increase self-esteem.
• Solve childhood problems and evolve into a new adult state by becoming aware of your responsibilities without leaving them to your circumstances and destiny.

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