The importance of self-esteem
By Oana Lis, Psychologist
We all know and feel as if when a person walks into a room if they have self-esteem or not. It shows in the way he sits, in the way he walks, in his look, in his tone of voice, in every demeanor.
But let’s develop this concept of self-esteem a little bit, see where it comes from and learn to develop our self-esteem because it is very important in our professional life and in our personal life as well.
“Who looks outside, dreams. Whoever looks inside, he wakes up.“- C.G. Jung.
„The strongest relationship you will have is the relationship with yourself.” – Steve Maraboli.
It is more important to be focused on ourselves than on the behaviors of others or the events that caused certain reactions. The meaning we attribute to the people and events we encounter determine our feelings and behavior. Emotional intelligence consists of four elements:
• Better understanding of one’s own emotions.
• Effective management of one’s emotions and significant increase in quality of life.
• Better understanding of those around and coexistence with a high degree of comfort.
• Creating better relationships, at all levels, with yourself and those around you, increasing productivity and personal image.
Daniel Goleman, in his book Emotional Intelligence, describes the concept of emotional intelligence in its complexity, placing a special emphasis on a person’s ability to differentiate between essential and non-essential, managing to have, in this way, healthy relationships with him and others. From his point of view, the main components are:
– self-awareness – observing one’s own person and recognizing personal feelings, creating a vocabulary of feelings, knowing the relationship between thoughts, feelings and reactions;
– making personal decisions – examining actions and recognizing their consequences, finding out if a decision is based on a thought or a feeling, applying these perspectives in aspects such as, for example, sex life…;
– managing feelings: monitoring self-dialogue to detect negative messages such as internal discouragements, understanding what is behind a feeling (for example, suffering that accentuates anger), finding resources to master fears and anxieties, anger and sadness;
– mastering stress: learning the value of physical exercise, well-guided imagination and relaxation methods;
– empathy: understanding the feelings of others and their concerns, as well as approaching the situation from their perspective, appreciating the difference in the way people feel about certain things;
– communication: discussing feelings effectively: how to become a good listener and how to ask the right questions – distinguishing between what someone does or says and our reactions or judgments about it – sending messages that start with Me instead of accusations;
– self-disclosure: valuing openness and putting trust at the base of a relationship, knowing the moment when we are safe and can talk about personal feelings;
– self-acceptance: to feel proud and see ourselves in a positive light, to recognize our strong points, but also the less good ones;
– personal responsibility: assumption of trust, recognition of consequences, decisions and actions, acceptance of personal feelings and dispositions, completion of promises or total involvement (for example in education);
– affirmation: recognition of concerns and feelings without anger or passivity.;
– group dynamics: cooperation, the ability to know when and how to lead someone and when it is necessary to follow someone;
– conflict resolution, the “everybody wins” type model for negotiating a situation.
Self-esteem and self-love
Self-esteem is one of the fundamental dimensions of our being; it is a discrete, intangible, complex phenomenon, which we sometimes forget is integrated into our being.
The concept of self-esteem occupies a very important place in the West, especially in the USA, where the word “self-esteem” is part of the current language. The verb – to estimate – actually comes from the Latin – estimation -, – to evaluate -, whose meaning is double, at the same time, – to determine the value of – and – to have an opinion about…-.
Our opinion of ourselves is vital to our psychological balance. When it is positive, it allows us to act effectively, to feel good in our own skin, to face the difficulties of existence. But, when it is negative, it causes many sufferings and inconveniences, which disrupt our daily life.
To have self-confidence, to be sure of oneself, to be satisfied with oneself… there are a multitude of terms and expressions involved in the current language to be able to designate self-esteem. In fact, each of these refers to one of its multiple aspects.
Self-esteem is made up of three ingredients… self-love, self-concept and self-confidence.
Self-love is the most important element… to truly love ourselves, despite our flaws and limitations, despite our failures and defeats.
This self-love must not depend on our performance. Self-love depends, to a large extent, on the love that our family shared with us when we were children and on the -emotional food- that was shared generously or not… Self-love is coming… full on… practicing it…
When self-love is lacking, all areas of life suffer: couple and interpersonal relationships, professional life, health and physical appearance, etc… We cannot live a life in which we are and feel fulfilled… if we do not have a positive relationship with ourselves…
(to be continued in the next issue)
