Let the neighbor’s goat die!
By Oana Lis, Psychologist
This is an old Romanian proverb that has even become a very current concept. Romanian folklore is full of proverbs with connotations, they are a summary of the way in which we, the inhabitants of these lands, grew up and went through times and weather.
*The neighbor’s goat
It’s Romanian for all the fun!
When trouble struck him,
He starts to pray,
Let your goat die.* (epigram by Valeria Moroșan)
It comes from the way we each handled it for him in different regimes, it somehow comes from the generation and as I said, it is still very current.
For example, a study was done that reveals that eight out of ten Romanians are envious at work. The most envied are those who seem to work less and earn more. Even 46% of the interviewees admit that they are envious of the vacations of their acquaintances that they cannot afford. Especially since now the exposure in the online mode makes us see what others are doing, what they eat, where they walk, with whom, what car they have, what they wear, etc.
In addition, one in five young people feel the success of others as an unpleasant pressure on them. And only one out of 4 young women manages to find their own motivation in achieving their own goals from this social envy.
Envy is a negative emotional reaction to another person’s qualities, achievements, or possessions. The one who envies wants the advantages of another for himself or wants that person to no longer have them.
*Gentlemen, let’s be generous, if we can, and resuscitate the neighbor’s goat.* (Costel Zăgan)
Envy can be motivating for some, but it is seen as a negative feeling of frustration, dissatisfaction, even malice, as opposed to admiration.
*The neighbor’s goat is always sexier.* (aforism de Costel Zăgan)
In an article published in 1871, George Baritiu spoke about the vices of Romanians and called envy our *national* vice.
We all know that this very envy was speculated by the communist regime as a political and social weapon, making people turn on each other for various reasons of that era.
But still not only in our society this manifestation of envying another appears and in other cultures and societies it appears as a phenomenon and even for hundreds of years.
*Envy is the pain that some feel for the good fortune of another.* (Aristotel)
● *Envy is a statement of inferiority* ( Napoleon)
This famous proverb *Let the neighbor’s goat die* has more of an ironic role for this behavior, not a prophecy.
However, it is shown in a sociological study by the GFK company, at the request of PressOne, that Romanians are prone to social comparisons according to which they judge their own successes or failures. So, they are tempted to take those around them, colleagues, close friends, etc… as a standard and sometimes even as the cause of their own failures.
However, envy is not a purely Romanian invention, the psychiatrist Francois Lelord states that envy is a universal emotion, *an amalgam of irritation and hatred towards the one who is more favored by fate than us.
Also, envy appears among the 7 sins in the Christian tradition.
Envy is a normal and common human reaction, cultural and can even be passed on to offspring as a learned behavioral style.
● Turn envy into admiration and what you admire will become part of your life.* (Yoko ONo)
In an article published in English in the Harvard Business Review we are told that *Envy ruins relationships, destroys teams and undermines organizational performance. But it affects the one who feels it the most. When you obsess over someone else’s success, your self-esteem suffers and you may neglect or even sabotage your own work and even career.*
*No matter how good you are, someone will always be against you. But never let that be the limit to your success.* (Tterry Mark)
Envy can also be a symptom of some behaviors from our past, from unfulfilled needs from childhood, perhaps the need to be appreciated, loved, validated.
Envy may have been instilled in us even by those who raised us, who may have compared our school results with other peers, their behaviors with ours, at the expense of honoring our uniqueness and authenticity and discovering ourselves at what we are good at and what we can excel at, if any, to help us discover our own personal abilities and gifts.
*Comparison is the thief of joy.* (Theodore Rooselvelt)
*Don’t underestimate what you already have, don’t envy others. He who feels envy will never have peace of mind.* (Buddha)
Envy is counting another’s blessings instead of focusing on your own. It comes from insecurity, lack of confidence in one’s own strength, it is generally negative and counterproductive.
*The spirit of envy destroys, it can never build.* (Margaret Thatcher)
The best thing is to be our own standard and stop comparing ourselves to anyone. Let’s compare ourselves, where we left and where we’ve arrived… and try to become a better version of ourselves every day. However, no one has them all and no one is perfect!
